A silent prayer

Today went for a very interesting talk on palliative care. IMHO, it's more of a talk on chronic pain management. But then the lecturers drove home a very important message about the role of the pharmacist - dun let the junior docs @#$% with you.

Went to buy the roast beef sandwich from bratwurst shop - last time i'm buying the beef sandwich: machiam salted-beef sandwich euuuuu. But the other chick stuff are nice

The saybons shop is in a rather poorly patronised and I can see the owner is slightly down. But her soup was not a let down and was consistent to the review in the newspaper. However that I disagree with the article to throw in chunks of stuff into the soup as it's already very rich - any extras may just spoil the soup's delicate flavour and its aura of glamour. Seafood bisque was the one I tried.

Sad to say, the market here is not for all that is savoury or time consuming to process. The consumers so far preferred quick fixes, easy to replicate dishes with low cost capital but sold at high prices - i know dun make sense but look at the array of hot sellers - donuts, bubble tea, roti boy. Easily replicable AND THEY SELL. Wassup?! That's why I keep to cooking and gardening as a hobby. There's no market here as consumers are unable to appreciate value of time.

Went back to work and met up with my supervisor. Apparently, I'm not doing well in my current rotation and soo doomed to get bad reviews due to my poor time managements and being unable to keep up with my presentations of the discussion topics.

I need to buck up even though I'm using a lot of time to go thru' this section.

As I read the notes, articles and textbooks before me, I'll mutter a silent prayer:

TOLONG LAH!!! PLEASE LET WHATEVER I READ GO INTO MY BRAIN AND FLOW OUT IN A COHERENT AND LOGICAL MANNER!!!

In the words of a troubled failure

VIVA IS COMING

in process

Aiyah... no time to go and photograph my Dendrobium capra and Dendrobium affine var. alba during broad day light as I'm back only late at night....

Yesterday MC - too tired to drag the plant and camera out as I was CRIB for a blazing sore throat with blurdy sputum. Can't Zzz too long if not get backache, so took out DIH, BNF, Katzung and DiPiro to do assigned discussion topics - in the end, I belonged to the 10% of users of cetirizine and slumped off even though I took Sudafed.

Got re-currently nightmares of my current rotation supervisor saying repeated "Fail assessment" in her hmmm (you fill in the blank - anything I type here will be used against me be it it's a compliment or not) voice.

Really not up to mark as yet. Today one of the other pharmacists explained to me her view on such discussion which I understood. I dun like plain suaning - I dun mind harsh remarks as long as there's guidance to the solution. I believed in making mistakes - that's why I just whack during Q and A sessions durign class time. Dun answer, means dun get at correct response or answer.

I think I'm now immune to EES s/e oreadi - dun get grumbling of the stomach anymore.

Tomorrow after the pharmacy soc training session, go PS buy something from Bratwurst shoppe, soup from Saybons to try out, see whether can get more chocolate bars for the upcoming fondue session.

Pain in the head

(facial area)

It's back again.

Bacterial sinusitis - spread to tonsils. bloody sputum, sore throat, cold sweat near the neck area.

Held ice pack to face again.

My voice starting to suck towards the end of the day - getting raspy. May be due to the stressful period. Couldn't bear to get a HO/MO to help me scribe my regular antibiotics as I still believe in proper Dx before Rx.

SO if still blurdy, I better go see MD tomorrow. Get MC and perhaps catch up with my Zzzz. 4 hours a day can kill. Sometimes I wish I can go w/o ZZzz - can abuse 24 hrs a day.

Need to do up my ABx presentation...

Sometimes I so envy the HOs

Pre-reg pharmacists can pull hair out some times. Suicidal thots lurking.

We got vivas, projects, presentations for individual topics, group discussions after work, journal club, case presentations.

Nearly fainted when my HO friend just call their stint day-to-day. No tests, no project, just evaluation by consultant once the rotation finish... The pharmacy people are being pushed to the limits for the miserable pay packet.

Being on-call has no difference to me since I've been sleeping 4-5hours a day eversince I stepped into pre-reg. Also stay until so late in the hospital that it make no sense to leave it when you only reach home close to midnight. Well, at least the HOs got their duty room to zzz. Too much research, too little time.

Had to camp in DDMs quite a while to clear my casenotes for my antibiotic study.

Poor time management is also on my part where I do not know how to prioritise. Too much effort on my project to the point where I lose contact with my core topics. Compounded with the LOS that is making lose my memory. More forgetful as the days pass - try to memorise more then get LOS then try to memorise more the LOS then forget everything again. Memory getting so bad that I some times forget who I worked with at the last rotation.

For the miserable 1.2 k take home pay after sloughing for 4 years in the uni, I wonder if it was the right path to start with. Too much effort for too little material returns, even though it is psychologically fulfilling at times. But then , no one works for free. Home at 2330 and out by 0730 - where got time for social life?